Transformers 2: Revenge of the Studio Execs

Ok, I didn't realize that the biggest piece of Hollywood trash I've seen in a long time would have so many passionate opinions attached to them. I get it, I work in the movie industry, so I'm an easy target to be labeled as a "movie snob." I'm not, and here's why.

1) Transformers 1 was okay. It was pretty well executed and was a good idea. It came at the right time when the trend for blockbusters was to revamp and revisit older childhood franchises from the 80s and 90s. Michael Bay had a lot of potential for the follow up movie.

2) THIS MOVIE HAD SO MUCH MONEY ATTACHED TO IT. Explain this to me: why would you spend sooo much money on a movie that was poorly written, poorly cast, and poorly acted? There was nothing actually cinematic about this film. It's Hollywood garbage. The production value was so high to have so much bad acting, bad writing, and bad concepts in ONE movie, especially when the first movie was more solid.

3) Every shot is simply for spectacle. The visual effects, special effects, sound design, and even the color palette are so amazing, yet they couldn't pull it all together to produce a quality film. That's upsetting to me, and probably to many of the other people who spent their hard earned money to watch a bad movie.

4) The difference between a really good action movie and a really bad action movie is whether or not the movie relies solely on action. Take J.J. Abrams newest version of Star Trek or the Lord of the Rings trilogy: the visuals actually serve a purpose of furthering the story. They're not simply there for cheap laughs or visual spectacle. It's embarrassing that my generation, the MTV generation, the most media literate generation that has EVER existed, cannot see that this movie used them for their $10 bucks a pop that they gave willingly to watch absolute bullshit.

5) Movies are a collaborative process. When a movie relies solely on one aspect of filmmaking, the final project suffers. In this case, Transformers relied solely on visual effects created in post-production to carry the film. They forgot about the other fine arts that go into making a timeless film. In ten years, our kids will find this shit completely dated because Bay didn't take the time to focus on the aspects of filmmaking that make a film timeless. Hitchcock's films may have terrible visual effects (see Psycho for a reference) but they're still scary as crap because they use cinematic techniques to create suspense, tell the story, and engage the viewer. Our kids will just laugh at Transformers in a couple of years like we laugh at the old Star Trek or Star Wars movies.

6) Check out the movie poster. The tagline says "More alien robots, bigger explosions, and much more Megan Fox." These execs know exactly what people wanted out of this movie, and they insulted you by giving you only that. No quality movie, just effects, explosions, and sexy bitches. You're welcome folks. We will continue to view sub-par films at the movie theaters until we tell the studio executives, the decision makers, that we're tired of it; and by "tell them" I mean telling them with our wallets, by financially supporting quality filmmaking. Why do you think Tyler Perry movies still get made? Because his fanbase supports terrible filmmaking. Personally, I'd rather support talent than cheese.

In conclusion, I walked out of the theater about an hour into this movie. I went and saw Year One. My head hurt, and my pocket hurt even more.

Call me a movie snob all you want, but I have standards. If you enjoyed the movie, that's cool. Maybe you're just a die-hard Transformers fan. I get that, I really do. But if you want some really good movie suggestions that won't rot your brain out, give me a call.